Wat a day!

Well, I THINK i finally hit Tier 1 already.. but its pro-rated targets la. I think next month no more liao. Hope this mth's long-term promises come in next mth then no need so bia next mth.. Somemore going for compliance leave. Now... hoping can hit Tier 2 actually, yet already quite nua to cheong. hehe.

Went to Yann's dermatologist finally on tue during lunch =P and spent $310.. as expected, no cure for my panda eyes, just try to lighten. So tired these few days cuz rushing a freelance poster for food republic. Poster for Nasi Briyani - Teh Tarik combo set. HAHA. Finally finished, shd be final revision liao.

Got time-off 1hour tomoro! I want to go gym.

Anyway, watched 'The Proposal' with Bian, Shuyin, Daphne, Emily, and co. Wrote a little after-tot after the show: -

Just finished watching 'The Proposal' with my colleagues. Wasn't a fantastic show but I think it finally made me think why I wanna be in love, and what made it so tough to get over Cody.

Intimacy is wat that is so, so special between humans. It's not the sex, not the nakedness, not the orgasm. It's...watching that one person u are so close to, the closest in ur life at that point in ur life, watch him sleep. I miss most about that in a relationship. To be just there, to feel him near, watch him breathe gently, heart beating, and smell that scent exuding from him.

About marriage.. It's such a, may I say sacred thing, that commits and devotes each other to their lives. You no longer are trying to find ur goals in life with ur bf, u are just going TO those goals in life, hand in hand. And guess wat, Cody proposed to me. NZ. That's where he planned for our wedding. Sceptical and almost ridiculous it was to me, it probably touched me heart deep deep down inside. To have someone so serious and really ready to devote and commit, was a damn powerful thing.

No bf won't die. It's just a sweeter journey in life with someone to support you, and knowing someone needs u in his life as well. To share the good, the bad and your rewards, the achievements in life.

blade

went to ecp to blade with GR, DV and JM. A day spent trying not to fall and err watching jim fall. ouch. being tall, i think all his falls were pretty nasty. i was soehow a lil' uptight about myself. i duno. seemed to be rushing all the time. just can't slow down. BAD.

can't f**king sleep

why do i always feel so bloody tired outside only to come home finding difficulties in getting a decent deep sleep?

but its going to be a great day, everyday from now on. I know cuz i can control it. Everything can be within your control. Good or bad day, its just a state of mind. Treat 'negative' things as challenges that will improve meself, and strengthen and tough meself. Xtina Aguilera's /fighter/ is a good reference.

Put a stop to it!

you know wat i'm saying?
yes. this, and that.

emo-ing, etc. think i shd prob make an attempt to ditch emo (negative) mando songs.

and, THAT you-know-who. Better frens than nothng right?

Oh ya. one more thing. SELF WORTH! you're worth everything good in the world trv. allow yourself to be loved, cared and shown concern. embrace all the good things in life and not feel guilty about taking them in you IDIOT!!!! ok ilovemyselfilovemylifeilovemyjobilovemyfriends

mad national day

zirca on a sunday night after a stupid 2 hour wait.. danced quite a bit, fought hard to stay sober to take care of david, while GR took care of Jim. It was really sweet to see them hold hands and embrace each other in the club. it wasn't those super aj kind.. they were so gentle and tender. made my heart sour for the whole night actually..

can't imagine we came to my place for mahjong after that.. surprisingly sober for the game.

i need to spruce up my blog.. my own website domain is still not utilised. so stupid. saw GR's blog.. pretty nice and motivational. ha. i (really really) envy how the few of them can take photos so carefree-lly.. i can't remember when was the last time i could take a photo of myself not feeling conscious of my dark eye rings.

david said i sleep or dun sleep i still look the same. that really hurt.. somehow, this period has been my most vulnerable period.. self-confidence seem to be at all time low.

contemplating seeing a derm.. but yet i dun really feel like spending that money, esp if the results (if any) are only for the short term. i just want to look pleasant, not haggard. just normal. arghh.

hullo.. freins? frens? friends?

i really wonder everytime. i see my friends online, but they didn't say hi. then i check, if i'm in invisible mode. Nope. then why the hell do they not say hi. i'll initiate a chat, ask them. They'll say they are busy or something (when their status are 'available'). If u're busy, just stay offline. If u're really just busy chatting with someone else, say so. i'm in particularly talking about those in my 'Best Frens' and 'Circle' groups contacts. Bleah. Just feel like, am i really ur fren? Do they even care? maybe i start staying offline and i died for 3 weeks noone would even notice.

lalala

love to listen to Orange Moon.. its just. so nice.

nv fails to remind me of Cody. the nights in phuket with him. at the beach. writing our sweet thingys on the sand.. roaming around not knowing wat to do.. cuz we had very limited funds. but it was just really sweet. i can't remember if there was moonlight those very nights.. but Orange Moon really felt exactly like wat we had in phuket.. Baskin Robbins ice cream.. failed waterfall hike and the attempt to ride a scooter that went almost terribly wrong.

There we sat among the thousand, fools just like us, but not so in love like us.
There we spoke of all our feelings, and dreams were born like that, and we hope for love like that.

Now your dreams have changed and we are far apart. I dont know when or where to start, deleting you from my mind. I want to stand with you again. I hope to find you here again. Then the eternal sunshine.

I'll search for the orange moon that lit up all of the ocean while I held your hand. And now watch all the waves from the stone where we gaze to the golden sun. And if I see the horizon, those the same as it did when we stood on the hill. I will make the arrangements, just wait on that corner for me. And if you drop me a line, I will sure to make these arrangements.

Lay your head upon my shoulder, I'll sing a two or three sweet melodies for thee. Softly speak, to say 我爱你, why do you leave, my heart is at your feet.

Well, I like to share three words again, these words with you again if you think its possible. And maybe I can pull you close and whisper in your ear again that I want you in my life forever.

You are like the summer rain that cools me, that soothes me. You are the person that I pray for everyday. Maybe we'll sit on those steps once again, maybe we won't turn out have to pretend, you will be here in my imaginings, fade imaginings.

love you...

great day.. but makes me even more vulnerable

had a great day today actually. Was supposed to wake up at 6.45am to ride Treky to work.. but decided i shd sleep more till 7.15am. By the time i got ready, it was 7.30am.. i thought, 'you can do it, dun be lazy!' And so i rode out at 7.35am and reached Fitness First Millenia Walk at 8.05am. Took a shower and went to work.

Lunched in and clocked 119 contacts by the time manning in bound. quite a feat. After cycle allocation, it took me a while to realise i AM the cycle ic for 13! Pulled list and allocated lists for Rachel, Pamela and Juliana. Felt a bit of sense of achievement.

At the end of the day, i clocked 152 contacts! plus my saturday's additional results of 44, total 196 contacts by the 1st working day in August! Good job, Trev!

Went for Hot Flow Yoga class with Yann, but it wasn't hot leh. Boring.

Came home and Jenny told me over MSN, that KC is waiting for reply from Charles and Keith.. If successful, he will be posted to China. Somehow.. loneliness just set in me that moment. Images of him leaving at the airport made me realise i will definitely cry when he leaves. But, at the same time i really do know he is not for me. Prob just a moment of vulnerability. When things go well, a bachelor just feels empty, with no one intimate to share good news or success with.

I know KC and i won't work out.. cuz i know he has not and prob never will even read my blog. What bf ignores ur blog when he knows u actually has one?

Where's my love?