Ditched in a messed up life

I dunno what to do..I dun even have time to cry. I haven't even got a place to cry in my sleep.

My eldest sis Hui has given birth and is serving confinement period at our place, and thus anthony, my bro-in-law stays over here as well..gave him my room, and i can only sleep in the living room.

I have no time. Study my insurance and do my freelance which has been overdued. No place. I can't even cry. X would say 'see la, push urself until like that. can't u slow down?' I dunno. Is it too much for me to take? i think so. things haven't been right since the week of 23 Oct when X couldn't find his passport... I have no time to elaborate, will type on Text Edit when i'm free.

Basically, i'm single now..coz i was too much to bear.

Words are powerful i must say. Esp those from a person whom u fancy.

I dun wish to cry alone actually. But to trouble ppl to watch me cry..waste their time...But to cry alone is even sadder.

All my mandopop songs are all so apt now...They all have new meanings to me now.

I've been having nightmares about X. In fact it revolves round the fact that X has left me.

I now truly understand wat is meant by 'u can have all the riches in the world and not feel happy or fulfilled'. Spent $140 on a pair of Nike shoes that X and i had been yearning to get, and so i've got them. Spent $290 on iPod Nano..only to feel sad i have no one to share these things with anymore. One day when i wore the shoes, while waiting for the bus, i stared at the shoes..They stared back blankly at me. No meaning anymore to me the shoes has.

X liked me to wear long jeans. The line that made me burst into tears over the phone with him is 'i wore long jeans out for the past 2 day thinking i'd get to meet u. But i never got to catch a glimpse of you.'

One fine day, i'll write all these out in details. i must let it out one day. before i explode.

For one, the line in the poem i wrote for X, is no longer valid.

'Forever the ocean lives, forever they co-exist..' [we both are piscean]